Ethic Soup

A Turkey's Thanksgiving Prayer

A Turkey's Thanksgiving Prayer 

by Sharon McEachern 

 

Our Heavenly Father, errr Mother

 (whatever...I'm winging it here), 

I'm a turkey (as you know, of course)

And your people want to EAT ME.

 

But before they chew on my legs and slice my breast,

Wrap my bones in newspaper

And throw my carcass in the garbage,

They will KILL ME.

 

God, I'm talking about chopping my neck off,

Dunking me in boiling water to loosen my feathers,

And throwing me into a f---ing plucking machine.

Lord, could you give a turkey a break?

Afowl.

 

TO READ "HELP, HELP ME GRANDMA! A HEADLESS TURKEY IS CHASING ME" CLICK HERE.   

 

Help, Help Me Grandma! The Headless Turkey Is Chasing Me!

HELP, HELP ME GRANDMA! THE HEADLESS TURKEY IS CHASING ME!

Turkey neck on the chopping block, toddler crying while Daddy holds down the turkey and Grandpa ready with axe to whack off the turkey's head. Then they walk away, with the head lying in the dirt, leaving the body to walk around forever. Better hope the little girl doesn't get caught in the corner of the fence or she'll be trapped, scared of that damn headless, trotting turkey.

I know. It happened to me. Okay, I was in high school. But every time I started to walk towards Grandma's house in Kansas, where the rest of the family was already ensconced, the turkey would change directions and run right towards me. It had no head. How did it know I was preparing to run -- again?

I screamed and screamed, being the coward that I was. (Oh, alright, I "am." Today, geese in the park where I walk still scare me. They chase you and nip at your ankles. Admit it. You, or someone close to you, runs from geese.) Finally, the family came outside to see what was the matter. They all stood there, in a semi-circle -- the grandparents, Mom and Dad, my brother, aunts and uncles and, worse-of-all, the rafter of cousins -- turkeys all! And they laughed. I'm sure you recognize a scene of extreme humiliation for a teenager.

Burr Oak Cemetery Opens: Relatives-Only Can Check Graves

The "closed" signs on the gates of Burr Oak Cemetery have finally come down after all hell broke loose last summer.

That was in July, after workers at the historic African American cemetery were arrested and accused of digging up graves and reselling plots.

FEW IMPROVEMENTS

Since then there are a few improvements -- a repaired main entrance gate, potholes filled and drainage improved.

What family members will notice the most will be some 3,000 two-by-four stakes sticking out of the ground throughout Burr Oak's 105 acres in Alsip, a suburb of Chicago. Each stake is painted with a kind of graveyard address and serve as a location marker to help family members who are trying to find the final resting place of their loved ones.

Grave markers are permanent installations in most cemeteries; however, at Burr Oak there aren't any really. This makes it difficult and confusing. But, everyone wants to know if their family member's grave was one of those that were violated.

NO GRAVESTONES FOR MOST GRAVES

Here's the big problem: there are 140,000 graves in Burr Oak Cemetery and only 43,000 headstones.

JPMorgan & Ex-Mayor Langford Sued for Sewer Bond Fraud in Alabama

 Jefferson County, Alabama, the county where Birmingham is located, is suing JPMorgan Chase & Co. and former mayor Larry Langford for engineering over $3 billion refinancing of the county's ruinous sewer debt to generate hundreds of millions in fees and interest payments.

    
DIRTY POLITICO HID BEHIND SEWER SYSTEM

Former Birmingham Mayor Larry Langford, pictured right in a sewer manhole, was convicted Oct. 28 -- guilty on all 60 federal counts of fraud, conspiracy, bribery and money laundering, as reported by Ethic Soup.

The composite picture is symbolic of the "dirty politician." If he lived long enough, Langford could spend 800 years in prison for his crimes. He took $230,000 cash and loot that included a $12,015 Rolex watch and designer clothes including an Ermenegildo Zegna suit. I doubt that he ever heard the expression "Hey Dude, don't go down the sewer in your Zegna!" Or, the long-lived saying "It's hard to tell time with shit on your Rolex."

'UNCONSCIONABLE' FINANCIAL RISK

The 23-page lawsuit asserts the financing deals -- a series of bond refinancings and interest-rate swap deals -- increased the county's sewer bond debt by millions and exposed the county "to an unconscionable degree" of financial risk. "The financial and reputational damages incurred by the county from the defendants' conduct are in the billions of dollars," says the lawsuit.

Birmingham Mayor Langford Convicted on 60 Counts of Bribery, Money Laundering

I just don't trust a politician who's deeply in debt and especially fond of fancy clothes and jewelry. Sounds like trouble's a comin' to me, big time. 

Trouble came for Mayor Larry Langford of Birmingham, Alabama.

This is a follow-up of an Ethic Soup post last December on Langford's arrest, along with numerous other mayors of American cities. So many mayors are crooks, Ethic Soup reported on a new batch of arrested mayors in March.

FOUND GUILTY IN TWO HOURS

The jury in Langford's federal corruption trial heard testimony for six days, then found him guilty  -- in less than two hours --  on all 60 counts of money laundering and bribery charges. 

That's big time trouble alright, for which Langford (below, left, with wife Melva) is going to serve some big time in jail -- one news article says that's 500 years maximum sentence, another says 800 years. Either way, he's already 61 and doesn't have hundreds of years of life left to serve.

A TERRIBLY EXPENSIVE ROLEX

During his trial, moved to US District Court in Tuscaloosa, Ala. to better ensure a fair trial, The Christian Science Monitor reported:

"...Mr. Langford is at the center of a spectacular scandal where, prosecutors say, a popular mayor whose motto is "Do something!" gambled a city's future on a risky Wall Street scheme, all while taking bribes in the form of cash, Rolex watches and designer clothes."

Ethics-Plagued Mattel Steps In It Again: Palm Beach 'Sugar Daddy' Ken Doll

 What every little girl wants -- a sugar daddy. That's what Mattel believes. Come next April, Mattel will release "Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken."  Lord have mercy! When I first heard about this George Hamilton look-alike doll, I thought it was a joke you might hear at a gay men's party.

"Sporting a dashing jacquard-patterned jacket with a light pink polo shirt and crisp white pants, this Ken Doll is ready for the Palm Beach social season, sunning by the pool and a stroll with his furry little companion," says Mattel's promotional release. Gag me.

A LITTLE GIRL'S DREAM DOLL?

What little girl wants an old-man-with-grey-hair-dressed-in-pastels-doll? 

And when did the Barbie line cost $81.99 for one doll? That's what Sugar Daddy Ken will cost.

More importantly, there's the ethics issue, this "sugar daddy" business. 

NFL Will Require Raiders Coach Cable to Undergo Psych Evaluation

FINALLY A MEETING -- Coach Cable may I introduce you to Mr. Rorschach. What do you see?

It's been a long wait, but at long last the NFL will be requiring Raiders coach Tom Cable to undergo an evaluation by a doctor and psychologist to ascertain if further action is required because of possible conditions such as substance abuse or anger management, according to ESPN's Chris Mortensen, as reported by NBC Sports. 

Golden Girl Bea Arthur Left $300,000 to Support Gay Homeless Teens

Bea Arthur died of cancer last April, at 86, and her generosity lives on. Arthur had a big gay following, who loved her as the acerbic Maude Findlay in Norman Lear's sitcom "Maude" and as the strong feminist Dorothy Zbornak in "The Golden Girls."

Everyone loved her deadpan delivery and her flair for the comic jab. Arthur's gay fans loved to imitate her and dress as her in drag. It was a perfect mix -- she was tall, with a commanding stature, and she had a sharp-tongue in a husky, basso voice.

ARTHUR'S GENEROSITY LIVES ON

Bea Arthur didn't forget her gay fans in her will. She left a $300,000 donation to New York's Ali Forney Center. The organization assists more than 1,000 youth each year, providing shelter for those who had to leave home "for being who they are,"  Executive Director Carl Siciliano told CNN.

Arthur's gift could not have come at a better time. It arrived a week ago, a $300,000 check delivered by a FedEx carrier.

Sesame Street Has Taught Pre-Schoolers Ethics for 40 Years

Sesame Street's Big Bird is now 40 years old. Who knew? Google knew. In fact, today the Google doodle on the search engine's banner is the bottom half of Big Bird -- mostly legs.

To mix it up a little, Google had different banner doodles, depending upon the country served. Below is the doodle for Mexico.

And for Belgium and the Netherlands it's the banner below.

 

If you're older than 40 (I'll say a little prayer for you and all your body parts), the kids' TV shows you watched were Howdy Doody, Ding Dong School, The Mickey Mouse Club and Captain Kangaroo. 

MOST VIEWED KIDS' SHOW IN WORLD

Today, Sesame Street is the most widely viewed children's television show in the world, with 20 independent international versions and broadcasts in over 120 countries.

History was first made on December 12,1970, when First Lady Pat Nixon greeted Big Bird in the White House for a children's Christmas party. She's got a hold on one of his feathers (pictured right).

CURRICULUM INCLUDED ETHICS

Pretty soon Sesame Street's curriculum for pre-schoolers expanded from letters and numbers to include affective topics such as relationships, ethics, and positive and negative emotions.

However, the show that's won 118 Emmy's has had its detractors.

Ex-Raider Jeremy Brigham Beats Up Football Dad over Pee Wee Game

  

 
Tell me this story isn't true. Please.

A former NFL tight-end, now Pee Wee football coach, beat a father who came to pick up his son after practice, and put him in the hospital.

That's Jeremy Brigham, pictured right, with John Madden, and solo below. Brigham was a tight-end for the Oakland Raiders from 1998 to 2002. Now he's a coach for a Pee Wee Football team of 10 and 11-year-olds in Pleasanton, Ca. 

SUCH WONDERFUL ADULT ROLE MODELS 

The last time I wrote an Ethic Soup post about an altercation between the coach of a kids' team and a dad, it was the dad who sucker-punched the coach. That's when I added a page on Sports Parents' Code of Ethics and a page on Little League Parents' Pledge. 

But this time, it's the other way around.

Brigham sent a dad to the hospital after beating on him. Yes, this ex-pro football player, who is 6-6 and whose playing weight was 255 pounds, was unhappy with Scott Haggerty, a father and formerly assistant coach of his son's Pee Wee team. By the way, Brigham is 34 years old, while Haggerty (pictured left), a greying Alameda County Supervisor looks anywhere from 20 to 30 years older. They look as if they could be father and son.