Halloween, Lawyers and a Haunted House

  IT'S ONLY 24 DAYS UNTIL HALLOWEEN! 

HALLOWEEN AND LAWYERS in the same sentence is fodder for a lot of potential humor. But for me, I immediately think of Atticus Finch, the small town southern lawyer in "To Kill a Mockingbird," played by Gregory Peck in the movie.

What a wonderful character Harper Lee created in her only book, which since it's publication in 1960 has never been out of print. He was a great Daddy to Scout and Jem and he defended the innocent black man Jim Robinson, accused of raping a white woman. A lawyer hero he was!

Come Halloween night, Scout was in her school pageant, dressed in a papier mache ham costume. As Jem walked his sister home in the dark, with the wind howling and the tree branches and shadows swaying, they were attacked by the knife-wielding Bob Ewell, father of the woman who was supposedly raped by Jim Robinson. In reality, she was pregnant with her incestuous father's progeny. Boo Radley saved the children. 

That was what I was thinking when I ran across 'legal help needed' ad on Craigslist. It's posted on the website Jerks In Your Area, where they "scour Craigslist to find posts written by or written about the strangest, stupidest, and funniest people out there:

NEED HALLOWEEN LEGAL HELP (GREENPORT)

Every year I put on a Halloween haunted house for my neighborhood. In the past few years, I've really stepped up my game with fake blood, assorted limbs and bones (shins, arms, skulls) and lots of pop up zombies, mock executions, etc. Last year I had a bit of a legal snafu when a kid on my block had a seizure and another had to go to therapy after a bullet squib popped too close to his head. Their parents threatened to sue me and the whole ordeal was a hassle. Anyway, I was thinking that this year there are so many out of work lawyers out there that I could probably get one pretty cheap to come and hang out around the house and keep an eye on things. If another parent gets pissed off or whatever, it would be good to have someone who knows the law. I might also need you to write up a release because this year the guillotine will be real.

I've never really hired a lawyer before so I'm not really sure what they charge but I'm guessing it won't be more than like $18 an hour. If you have one of those insane clown masks that would be really helpful too. 

Location: Greenport Village, Long Island, N.Y.

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by Sharon McEachern